You don’t put butter in the fridge

In my early 20s, before becoming a father and long before Australia’s borders were closed to its own people, I was invited to go on a boys’ trip for several days by some work colleagues. I didn’t typically go on holidays interstate or overseas but agreed to this one.

As the youngest member of the party, the responsibility also fell on me to serve the group as driver, grocery shopper and to action other minor tasks that were required. I didn’t mind as this is standard practise in many cultures and was a way for me to demonstrate respect for my peers.

When I was a teen, a dear friend once told me a story when we first drank together. During the evening, I had noticed he wouldn’t allow me to pour my own drink. When I stated I was capable of filling a cup he told me a story with an amazing philosophy which I have practised ever since.

Apologies in advance if parts of the story are incorrect, it has been nearly 20 years since I first heard this story but I loved the version I heard so much that I have never looked into verifying or changing the details. The story is about a young man who is the son of an emperor. His subjects do everything for him while he enjoys a life of opulence and elegance. One evening, he requests his servants to sneak him out of the castle so he can experience some of the common pleasures his people enjoy. Though they would likely lose their lives if discovered, his subjects agree.

His butler, driver, cook and several others sneak the emperor’s son out of the castle one evening after dressing him in common clothing to blend in. They go to an inn to eat, drink and be merry. During the evening of good food, drink and laughter, the emperor’s son serves each of his subjects for the entire evening. He pours every drink they consume and eats after they have. He uses his one night away from the castle to acknowledge and repay the service his servants had given him his whole life.

The story goes on that the emperor’s son becomes emperor himself one day and because he had learned how to serve his people and not put himself before them, the country enjoyed great prosperity under his leadership. Back to the boys’ trip.

We had just returned from grocery shopping so I was tasked with putting the groceries away. I quickly finished the chore before moving on to whatever we were up to next.

The next morning, one of the senior members of the trip was going off his head. ‘Where is the (insert expletive here) butter?’

Mr B was a big, brawny and burly, bald headed man who’s reputation was well known among officers of different codes. I had heard many stories about him from peers but was too intimidated to ever ask him how many were true. He had served his country in a variety of ways and chased down many people in his heyday. This morning he was chasing down the condiment for his toast. I feebly said that the butter was in the fridge where it should be. In the politest way possible he replied ‘you don’t put butter in the (insert expletive here) fridge!’

I have never placed butter in the fridge again since that day and am mindful that sometimes things can seem small or insignificant to us but may be important to others.

Servant leadership is a great style of leading where a leader looks to serve those under their chain of command who in-turn take care of those under their chain of command, and the cycle continues. This style allows great team bonding and comradery between peers where decisions are based on the benefit of the collective. A couple of possibly perceived negatives of this style of leadership are decisions can take longer to come to agreement on and leaders can be perceived as weak due to the feedback and guidance they may seek when making a decision.

I practise this style myself and believe it to have many more advantages than disadvantages. Try it out in your own life and see if it serves you and those around you well.

PDR